Hello and welcome back to another edition of #tbt, where I dig up wacky photos of my childhood and attempt to make sense of the situation! Today’s photo takes place at a classic childhood event, field day! For any of you who may have been home-schooled, or went to the school from Matilda, field day was basically the Olympics for kids.Classic events included: potato sack races, tire flipping (was this a precursor to Crossfit??), tug-of-war, and relay races. Being it that I was horrifically underweight most of my childhood (often knocked down by small breezes or a sneeze), I contributed absolutely nothing to these athletic events. One would think that being small that maybe that I could at least run fast. Sadly, that was not case. It probably didn’t help that my diet at the time was sour straws and Capri Sun, but that is neither here nor there. Thankfully there is photographic evidence of me truly exemplifying the Coldplay lyric, “When you try your best but you don’t succeeeeeed”, during a relay race. Thanks to my mom, my last place finish will live on forever!
- Or jersey knit jorts and a t-shirt two sizes too big.
- Down and blowing in the wind probably with the hopes of looking effortless, but ending up with the beginnings of a bird’s nest by the end of the day.
- None, just the sign of crushing defeat wiped over my face.
- Local high school football field, when during the summer months, smells like melted Tupperware.
Little did I know that nearly 15 years later I would end up love running, but I am probably still running at the same pace I am in that photo…and that’s okay! Hopefully I still don’t look like I have utterly resigned to life and can no longer go on (I do). Did any of you participate in a field day or something like it as a kid, and if so did you have any ridiculous activities? I still can’t get over that my school was having a bunch of 6-8 years old kids lifting and pushing over tractor tires. We weren’t even treated to creatine shakes afterwards.
Hello, and welcome back to the absurdity that is my weekly Thursday post, #tbt! This week I come to you from the year 1995, when the r&b was at it’s finest, and when you heard the name “Kardashian” your immediate reaction was “The lawyer?” and not a blind rage. While I do not know
a lot anything about football, I do believe this was the last year that the Dallas Cowboys were “good”. I say this because today’s photo is brought to you in part by a Super Bowl party my grandparents threw when Cowboys played, and my grandparents haven’t had a Cowboys Super Bowl party since. I think the Cowboys almost went to the Super Bowl a couple of years ago? I have no idea. I did not grow up watching football. Some people were raised on sports, I was raised on Cheers and Frasier because apparently my parents wanted less of a baby, and more of 45 year old Kelsey Grammer super fan. If someone asks me “Do you like the Cowboys?” I would say, “They’re not my team!” I then immediately pray that they don’t follow up with “Well who is your team?” because I will most likely give them a fictional sports team (Go Bayside!) and run away nervously. However, let’s bring it back to a time when I was naive enough to love “America’s team” and proudly wear their fan gear. I was five, give me a break.
- Dallas Cowboy’s t-shirt in what appears to be in a Adult Medium.
- Track pants, because I was ready to be active at any time.
- Tennis shoes, because of the same reason as the track pants.
- Cut and style inspired by youngest boy sibling on Family Ties.
- Demon red eyes courtesy of 90’s flash photography technology.
- I watched a lot of Whitesnake music videos as a kid.
- My Grandparent’s living room, but judging but the state of disarray and random books, I may have been in the basement of an abandoned library.
I have no idea who’s feet are behind me in the photo, but judging by the socks I’m going to assume it is my Grandpa. I think the foot photobomb, coupled with the confusing mess of books and pens lying around (was my family working on a round of Soduko during this game?) really ties this photo together. I promise if the Cowboys ever make it to another Super Bowl I’ll reenact this photo, but don’t hold your breath. Unless Jerry Jones uses his billions to replace football players with expert robots, but again, still no chance.
Hello and welcome to another edition of #tbt! In honor of the start of summer, I bring a photo from a classic Layfield family summer vacation. I believe the year was 1999, and my dad had a business trip to San Antonio, and decided to disguise as a vacation from bringing us a long and taking us to Sea World. In my defense I was 8, and this was pre Blackfish, so I’m sorry! If it helps it rained while we were there and I hated it. To make up for a disastrous theme park adventure, we also went to the famous San Antonio River Walk. I have absolutely no memory of this trip other than the photo that follows, but given my facial expression, it appears that I was having the time of my life.
- Plain white t-shirt with kitten and flower iron-on stickers courtesy of American Girl.
- Glasses with a reflection stronger than Christina Aguilera’s contribution to Mulan.
- But check out my sister’s super cool Dallas Star’s shirt! Don’t know what prompted her to wear an XXL, but it was 1999, and I don’t really remember that being a big year for form fitting styles.
- For this look I opted for a “distressed flush” in the cheeks, and really focused on the brows so I could achieve a menacing, almost maniacally angry look.
- Someone who was probably hating every second of this moment as much as I did.
I’m 90% sure my stank face stems from the fact that I was hungry and the boat ride was before dinner, but the other 10% of me knows that my angry teenager phase actually started at birth and that this was my face for most photos from 1990 to like the other day. As you can imagine, I was an absolute delight to be around.
Hello and welcome to another edition of #tbt! I had originally chosen another awkward school photo today, until I checked my TimeHop app this morning and discovered this treasure.
That’s right, it has been seven years since my last day of high school. If I remember correctly, the only class I had to show up to that day was band, and (like usual) we didn’t do anything, and then afterwards my best friend and I went to Sonic and then went swim suit shopping at Old Navy. What a day! So in honor of this ridiculous anniversary, I thought I would scrounge up the most ridiculous high school era photo of me I could find. So without further a due…
- Yo! MTV Raps t-shirt
- Jeans shorts OVER leggings
- Reeboks no socks
- Kanye (circa 2008) glasses
- 2008 Band field trip to New York City.
- The only style acceptable in 2008, which was flat ironing straight until your hair basically a sheet against your face (or in my case, hay).
- Probably a bucket of Clinique Acne Solutions foundation
- Chap stick I bought from the Hershey store in New York (it smelt like chocolate!!)
- Another friend (who cropped out to save her the humiliation) and I thought it would be hilarious to wear ridiculous outfits all day. Also keep in mind that Jake asked me out for the first time (we would later break up after two weeks, which is basically six years high school time so I consider it a success) while I wore this outfit, so I’d like it’s what sealed the deal (according to Jake: No).
Oh high school, what a (insert believable adjective here) time had by all! Also, I still have those Reeboks and YO! MTV Raps shirt, so I think I’ve got mine and Jake’s anniversary date outfit covered this year.
Hello and welcome to another edition of #tbt! Today I branching out of the school photos, and into “Mom photography”, otherwise known as photos of my sister and I pretending to like each other. Today’s photo is look back on the day (I think) we dropped my sister off for college. The year was 2002, and I was in the seventh grade. To preface this photo, it is important to note that in this stage of my life I was obsessed with Avril Lavigne. Like, obsessed. This will become wildly apparent to you in just a moment.
- Shirt: Black and white camouflage Avril Lavigne fan club shirt. Underneath my crossed arms you would have found a skull and crossbones. #hxc
- Jeans: White washed FLARED denim from Old Navy probably
- L’Oreal strawberry blonde hair dye so I could look exactly like…you guessed it…Avril.
- Tinted moisturizer two shades too light.
- Grimace brought to you in part by being 12 and hating everything.
- The cliff I was about to walk off of because I was so sick of my family.
Ah being a pre-teen in the early 2000’s, what a time to be alive! A special shout out to my family for not forcing me through a garbage disposal, despite what a trash monster jerk I
currently am was for that year. I just wish someone could have told me that in ten years time Avril Lavigne would be about as reputable as a cruise boat Motown group and married to Chad Kroeger so I could have joined a cooler fan club. Granted being 2002, my only other option would have been Nickelback, so there is really no way out of that one.
On this week’s edition of #tbt, I bring you my 1st grade school photo, or rather my best school photo. This photo would be last year until the 9th grade that I was not hidden behind my Wolf Blitzer styled glasses, or a mess of metal and rubber bands in my mouth. What is strange to me is that I remember not only having to take this photo, but my class was also corralled into a Happy Days style shoot where we were to pose next to juke box and a letter-man’s jacket. We were six. I’ll have dig up that photo for another time…
- Shirt: Most likely Ross.
- Black jumper with a PLEATHER heart in the center: Also Ross
- Silver heart necklace: Neil Lane
- Correction: 25 cent machine outside of a Walmart
- Bangs appear to have been styled by a wood chipper.
I distinctly remember wearing the begeezus out of that black jumper and it being my defining fashion piece of 1996. Also, take note of those sweet belt buckles on the straps. I could not have looked more early 90’s Jane magazine if I tried. I especially the one missing tooth in the front, and if I remember correctly, I was crazy proud that it would be featured in this photo. Little did I know that I was on my way into years of teeth pulling, oral surgery, braces, and retainers! Had I known what I know now, I probably would have been wearing one of those mouth guards MMA fighters wear during their fights here.
Hello, and welcome to the first ever edition of #tbt, where I capitalize on the Throwback Thursday trend made popular on Instagram, and make a mockery of my childhood photos. Will this be a regular thing? Who knows. What I do know is that I didn’t have anything to write about today, so maybe this is the beginning of a weekly post, or the first and last time I try this! For this first edition, let’s venture to a time where I had yet to discover the powers possessed by modern orthodontics, and apparently thought holding my hand to an electricity ball at a science museum, would be the best way to style my hair. So, with that I bring you my 3rd grade school photo.
- Eskimo Joe’s t-shirt
- (not pictured) denim shorts with an elastic waistband.
- (not pictured) ankle high white socks with a lace trim, most likely paired with tennis shoes
- Carmindy from What Not to Wear.
- Just kidding I was eight.
What I love most about this photo is that I probably walked away thinking that I totally nailed it, as I did with most school photos until I would look at them years later and quickly gather them in highly flammable material and hope for the best. I also love that I grew up during a time where glamour shots were super cool, most girls, even at elementary school age would show up for picture day like it was a casting call for Toddlers and Tiaras, and I just rolled up with my hair in six different directions, an obvious disregard that this photo would be in print, and was like, “Let’s do this.” Oh, eight year old Mallory, if you only could have bottled that confidence and sold it to the world!