Waffles and Car Accidents: California Trip Pt. I

I’m back! I’m exhausted, and pretty much running on auto pilot right now, but I’m back! I had a super fun time, and the five days seemed to go by in snap, as do most vacations. I don’t know why I didn’t include the day after returning home as part of my vacation time off, that was a dumb move on my part. This morning at work it took me well over five minutes to remember all of my login passwords, and then the phone would ring and I’d be like, “Uh, how do I job?” I am a functional member of society, I swear. Also, I apologize that my Monday post did not publish yesterday. I had hoped to finish it up over the weekend during spare time, or before I went to sleep, but I didn’t really have any spare time, plus I straight up passed the bleep out every night after all of our vacation adventures. That being said, let’s go ahead and start recapping the trip!

Day One

We landed in Sacramento and a made an almost immediate detour to Starbucks, where I picked up this curious item.

weird banana

I would like to know what differentiates a regular banana from a “To-Go” banana. Are people setting aside time to eat this on their fine China at a dining room table? Is trying to eat a banana while out and about proving to be a struggle for some people? I need answers.

After reserving a private dining room and a bottle of wine for my dine-in banana, my family met up with my sister and brother-in-law to check into the hotel and explore Old Town Sacramento.


There were a wide variety of cutesy little shops and boutiques, including one that specialized in TV, movies, and comic memorabilia. I had to refrain from making several Bob’s Burgers related purchases. I did however encounter a display dedicated to Academy Awards replicas.

oscar winner I won the Oscar for “Best Person” in my portrayal of Starving Angry Girl in the production of “Me, At All Times.” Thank you, Academy.

Afterwards we headed to dinner and then to Target to pick up some hotel snacks. This Target was HUGE, plus I got to see all of the weird snacks/drinks California has that Texas does not. Case in point:

box water

What is this black magic??? It was only a dollar, so I bought three over the course of two days. I’m a sucker for novelty packaging. Also, please note the 50,000 lemonade flavored Vitamin Waters in Jake’s Target basket. He does not drink anything else.

Later that night I think I watched an episode of Modern Family, but I’m pretty sure I was comatose the second my head hit the pillow.

Day Two:

I woke up at 3 am because my body was like “lol about that time difference”, and anxiously awaited the start of the best part of any hotel, the continental breakfast. I mean, look at this masterpiece.


Jake chose to Leslie Knope the begeezus out of his waffle and opted for a ton of whipped cream.

leslie gif

After feasting like champions, I did a quick 5k on the hotel treadmill, followed by a few free weight lifts. I then got prom ready (prom ready is basically my code for “spent longer than five minutes caring about hair and makeup”) in like an hour so I could make hotel check out time and head to the big event of the day which was…

My brother-in-law graduated from the California Highway Patrol Academy! It was very exciting, but I’m not sure of the protocol involving posting a picture of a cop without his consent, so instead enjoy this photo of my sister and I all dressed up!

we fancy

Not pictured is how miserably freaking hot it was outside, and the bag of snacks we snuck in like weirdos who can’t simply wait a couple hours for their next meal. To round out the day, my sister got rear ended by some moron with Nickelodeon Gak for brains, and her car was totaled. Thankfully she is okay, but the bruises on her arm look like she was man handled by a bear in a bar fight. We celebrated my brother-in-law’s achievements, and my sister doing a good job at not dying at Buffalo Wild Wings (I tried boneless for first and LAST time. No bueno), and then proceeded on the ultra fun two hour drive back to their house in Kelseyville (Where? Exactly). Once we were all home we got pizza for dinner (I opted for a garlic and olive oil pasta that was SO good), and then proceeded to fall into my second coma for the week after heading to bed.

Well that’s day one and day two for you! I figured I’d split it up an effort to save you all from a wall of text and photos. Have a great Tuesday, and I’ll be back tomorrow for part two of the trip!


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