Kanye & Mallory’s New Workout Plan

Workout

While I am not a personal trainer, or in any way affiliated with Kanye West, I do have a gym membership, and I cite “Looks like Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky” on an almost weekly basis when describing someone that I don’t like. That being said, now I am enjoying my newly renovated gym with it’s brand spankin’ new machines, I have changed up my workout routine a bit, and thought I’d share! I should note I normally reserve two days a week at the gym, with two days of yoga, and one day for a long run, but here’s my gym routine! Also feel free to listen to the song that inspired this post while reading (and a moment of silence for early 2000’s Kanye).

  • 30 minutes of cardio – I like to choose one day as an elliptical day, and another as treadmill or stair master. I love the stair master because it reminds me of those wonky stairs in Harry Potter. They lead to no where!!!
  • 5 minutes of high intensity cardio – I’ll usually bust this out at the end by upping my speed and resistance on whatever cardio machine I am using. Today I did my 30 on the elliptical, followed by 5 minutes going to town on the stair master. Don’t try and be a badass and pretend like you never need to look at the stairs. I did that today and promptly tripped, and recovered about as gracefully as newborn giraffe.
  • 10×5 on two arm weight machines – I hate weights and strength training more than anything, partly because I think my arms carry about as much strength as over cooked asparagus, but I’ve enjoyed using a newer machine that mimics rowing a boat, and another one targeting back and shoulders. I especially love when a high school aged kid sitting next to me is lifting 100+ lbs and I’m like “Hey y’all anyone know how to set this lower than 30?”
  • 10×5 on a leg weight machine – I usually spare myself just one leg weight machine since I pushed them to max on the resistance levels during cardio, but I especially love the machine that’s basically a giant plate that you push away with your legs. It helps if you pretend if the plate is something you hate or fear, like a giant boulder, or Brett Ratner, and you are fighting to keep it away. Whatever works.

That’s it! Not very impressive, but I enjoy knowing I have a routine to accomplish when I get to the gym. I’ll probably start using their indoor track to run soon, but I’m waiting for the smell of adhesive and saw dust to dissipate before I try it out. The perks of construction and new things!

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