I Don’t Understand Your Point System: Mallory Goes To A Golf Game

If there’s one thing in this world (besides math) I struggle with the most, it’s sports. Now, I am not vehemently against sports, but I literally cannot tell you how any game is played. I kind of get football, but let’s be real, that’s probably just a Texas thing (and while no one is actually playing football in this, it is my all time favorite sports video). There was a brief period of time I really liked hockey, but it was mainly because my sister began a whirlwind (in her head) romance with Dallas Stars player, Mike Modano, and made the rest of us family accommodate her obsession by watching games with her. Basketball? Meh. However, I do like watching highlight reels of players “flopping”. I’d like to imagine basketball players incorporate flopping into their day to day routines. Tired of this conversation? Flop. Not agree with your new contract? Flop. Or to be more applicable to the sport, your wife caught with you another woman and lol no pre-nup? Flop.

I’m getting ahead of myself here, but the moral of the story is that I don’t understand sports, but of all the sports that baffle me the most, it is golf. As I have mentioned before, and in every post on this blog, my math skills rival that of most toddlers, and not the super advanced kind that you see on Ellen playing Tchaikovsky on the piano. So, when a sport, such as golf, has a point system that dips into negative numbers, which is supposed to be “good”, and then there’s a thing about how many times you hit the ball, and how far, and what parr (Par? Parrr? PaR?) you’re on all come into play, and I can’t do it guys. I can’t. I went to the Crowne Plaza Invitational at Colonial this weekend, and it was first ever golf experience (aside from Putt Putt of course). My boyfriend, who happens to be an avid golfer, and able to tip at restaurants without using an app on his phone, tried his best to explain it to me, but at that point we had been walking around for four hours and I couldn’t hear him over the deafening screams of my feet pleading for me to sit down. I will say though, golf games are an excellent opportunity for low impact cardio, we walked at least a solid five miles! So that was my workout.

You aren't supposed to take photos, but joke's on you Colonial! I got this useless shot of a camera guy!

You aren’t supposed to take photos, but joke’s on you Colonial! I got this useless shot of a camera guy!

I did get to see a few players which was cool. Jake pointed out to me Jordan Speith, who is basically like one of the gifted toddlers you would see on Ellen because he is only 20 and is a super genius at golf. I also saw Adam Scott (not my pretend boyfriend who portrays Ben Wyatt on Parks & Rec), and he seemed like a cool dude. He is apparently Australian, so that’s exciting for him (and also being a pro golfer I suppose). We followed Jimmy Walker around most of the day because he, like Jake graduated from Baylor, and I think Jake might a little in love with him. Jimmy too seemed like a cool dude. Jake said that Jimmy high fived him the other day, and then Jake proceeded to glow like a teenager in love. I desperately wanted to see someone curse and hit their caddy with a golf club after a poor shot, but I’d have to say they were all class acts and did none of the above.

This post is starting sound like a real bummer, but I should clarify that I did actually have a lot of fun! It was a great people watching experience (Trophy wives and frat bros in pastels galore), and watching Jake geek out over his favorite sport was enjoyable as well. While I may not have my own “sport”, he will get to see me in my element when we attend the Jay-Z and Beyonce concert this July, so I guess it’s fair trade off.

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