I am dire need of a dream interpreter. This past week has been the weirdest for me in terms of sleep and dreams. If I’m not waking up at odd hours for no reason at all, I’m having bizarre dreams that leave me feeling out of sorts for the rest of the day. I’m often told that dreams are just a manifestation of the dumb stuff you have going on in your subconscious, but riddle me this, Batman: What’s the brain science (vocabulary is not a strong suit here) behind me leaving my laptop at a gas station pump or attempting to get a fox off of my Ford Escalade tire? More importantly, why am I driving Escalades in my dreams? Is this just my brain’s way of saying “Please let go of early 2000’s hip hop culture!” Whatever. Let me just give you a little more insight on my two most vivid dreams from this week.
- Laptops and Identity Fraud
I am at a nearby gas station pumping gas. I arrive home and realize I have left my old (in my dream I was pretty adamant about recognizing that it was my old laptop) at the gas station pump. Why did I feel it necessary to tote around my old laptop and use it while pumping gas? I don’t know. Maybe in this dream smart phones have yet to become a reality, and I’m an extremely important person who constantly needs to be making graphs or using Microsoft Excel. Anyways, I begin to panic and I log on to the home computer to look at the security camera footage from the gas station, because the second I fall asleep I immediately assume the same power as Detective Olivia Benson and am able to do such things. Once I have the footage up I notice my laptop is missing and I begin to panic. My identity has been stolen! My life is over! Upon realizing this I immediately wake up and for a solid two minutes I am convinced that this all actually happened. It isn’t until I remember that my old laptop is in my closet, safely put away and blissfully ignorant of the smell of gasoline and identity theft opportunists.
- What does the fox say? I have rabies, that’s what!
This dream was remarkably short, but for reasons I can’t quite explain, woke me up two hours before my alarm in a cold sweat and panic. I should preface that I have no irrational fear of foxes. In fact, I find them to quite adorable and wish I could foster one like that old woman from the Fox & Hound, instead I would actually commit to raising it as opposed to dumping in the woods like a deadbeat and drive away in my dumpy Model T. Anyways, in this dream I am driving a black Escapade (with rims I’m assuming) and entering my neighborhood. I look out my window and notice a FOX has latched itself onto my front tire. I’m not sure if the fox was attempting to make it’s way up to my window and it get into the car, but Dream Mallory wasn’t taking any chances. Summoning all of the skills I took away from the Fast and Furious franchise, I roll down my window, lean outside of the car (WHILE STILL DRIVING IT) and grab the fox by the neck in an attempt to remove it from the tire. I then notice the fox is rabid, with red eyes, and the temperament of a thousand feral cats. Before I have enough time to remove my arm, the fox bites me and I immediately wake up.
So, if any of you out there are dream interpreters, or you happen to spend a lot time on the internet researching the matter as a hobby (ex: me and conspiracy theories) please shed some light as to what is going on with my brain. I’m assuming this is my subconscious’ way of being like “Drink more chamomile tea and shut up already” but who knows.